upside of not having a boyfriend: i can eat like crap and i can eat however much i want because i don't have to look good naked! hurrayyyy!!!!

The last of the friends I made in my first rotation and kept through my second rotation left the company today. I feel empty now. I never thought all my friends would leave and I'd be left alone. I mean, two of them were interns so unfortunately they would leave but the other two were full-time. And now I don't really have any good friends to talk to at work. No more drink breaks, no more going out to lunch and talking randomly, no more having someone to talk to about work issues. Going to work seems so sad now.

Luckily I have made a bunch of friends/acquaintances at the gym and through cycling/running but it's not the same. That and all the guys who have left are in their 20s... so we all related.

never do i feel more alive than when i'm running

i
don't
want
to
be
here

i
feel
so
lost

Am I selfish?

Yay so I had to do this too. : )

2006-

[x] stayed single
[x] got kissed
[x] kissed someone new
[x] made out
[ ] made out in a car
[ ] kissed in the snow
[ ] kissed in the rain
[x] had my heart broken
[x] broke someone else's heart - this and the above one are related
[ ] had a stalker
[x] lost a friend
[x] had a good relationship with someone
[ ] questioned my sexual orientation
[ ] came out of my closet
[ ] got pregnant
[ ] had an abortion
[ ] got married
[ ] had a divorce.
[x] met someone that I will never forget
[ ] did something I regret
[ ] lost my true love
[ ] lost faith in love
[ ] kissed under mistletoe
[ ] got a promotion
[ ] got a pay raise
[x ] changed jobs - i got a job...
[ ] lost my job
[ ] quit my job
[ ] dated a co-worker
[ ] dated my boss
[ ] dated y boss's son/ daughter
[ ] got fired from my job
[ ] got straight A's
[x] met a teacher who I became friends with
[x] met a teacher who I really hate
[ ] found the subject I love
[ ] failed a class
[x] cut class
[ ] skipped school
[ ] got in a fight with a classmate
[x] did something I was proud of
[ ] discovered a new talent
[x] proved myself an idiot
[x] embarrassed myself in front of the class
[ ] fell in love with a teacher
[x] was involved in something that I will never forget
[ ] painted a picture
[ ] wrote a poem
[ ] ran a mile-on the elliptical machine - i haven't used the elliptical in forever
[x] listened to music I couldnt stand
[x] double dipped
[ ] skinny dipped // naked 100 IM, anyone?!
[ ] went to a sleepover
[x] went camping
[x] threw a surprise party - attempted surprise party, at least
[x] laughed till I cried
[ ] laughed till I peed my pants
[ ] flirted shamelessly
[ ] visited a foreign country
[x] visited a foreign state // California
[ ] cooked a disastrous meal
[x] lost something important to me
[ ] got a gift I love
[x] realized something new about myself
[x] went on a diet
[ ] tried to gain weight
[ ] dyed my hair
[ ] came close to losing my life
[ ] someone close to me died
[ ] went to a wild party
[x] drank alcohol
[x] drank alcohol underage - well yes, as i was underaged for the entirety of 2006
[x] got drunk
[ ] got arrested
[x] read a great book
[x] saw a great movie
[ ] saw a movie so scary that it made me cry
[ ] saw a favorite band live
[x] did something that I want to tell everyone
[x] experienced something new
[x] made new friends
[x] found out who your real friends are
[x] lied to your parents
[ ] snuck out
[ ] got in trouble with police
[ ] kissed in a pool
[ ] kissed under the stars
[ ] smoked
[x] got wasted
[x] went to a party
[x] had the time of your life
[ ] danced - i'm terrible at this
[ ] fell out of love
[x] had a crush on someone
[ ] changed your sexual preference
[x] swam in a pool
[ ] made a snowman
[ ] went snowboarding
[x] went skiing
[ ] went sledding
[ ] slept in past 2pm
[ ] held someones hand that you care about
[x] got wasted in a public place - what constitues a public place?
[ ] got wasted in Mexico
[x] told someone you like them as more than a friend
[x] gone on vacation
[ ] gone on vacation with a friend
[x] driven a car
[ ] played strip poker
[ ] danced in the rain
[ ] got in a car accident
[x] seen someone get in a car accident
[ ] got in a fist fight
[x] laughed until you couldn't breathe
[ ] had an amazing year
[x] missed someone
[ ] got hit by a car - no not this year
[ ] sent someone to the hospital
[ ] got a new pet
[ ] enjoyed this year overall


... and so sums by the year two thousand six. It was a memorable year. No regrets. New friends, new experiences. Finally starting to really open up, I think.

Here comes two thousand seven. What's it going to bring?

I need to make a blog to log all my training this summer.

But I'll start here for now: 9 mile run, ~1700 meter swim.

4:19:08

I think I lost about 10 minutes waiting in lines to pee. It was annoying. Not enough port-a-potties at all. Granted, I probably would have lost some time because at least the time spent not running gave me a break, but still.

There was no wall. I walked at a few water stops at the end, but no walking in the middle. Around mile 23 I was able to pick it up, but unfortunately not enough. I wanted a 4:17.

Next up: Chicago.

Should I use the 18/55 plan, which is what I used for this one, the 12/55 plan for less structure, or actually attempt the 18/70 or 12/70 plans. What the numbers mean is the weeks/miles, so in 18 weeks you work up to 55 miles in one week, or in 18 weeks you work up to 70 miles in one week.

Decisions, decisions.

So I found this a tad IRONIC:

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1194020,00.html

Date:	2005-06-20 12:07
Subject:	(no subject)
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored

Okay, well 6 songs I am currently listening to repeatedly on my computer:
1. "E-Pro" Beck
2. "Que Onda" Beck
3. "Collide" Howie Day
4. "Everybody Changes" Keane
5. "Smile Like You Mean It" The Killers
6. "Feel Good Inc." Gorillaz

So I don't know 6 other people on LiveJournal. But if you post your own 6 songs... leave a comment. :)

Date:	2005-05-15 22:43
Subject:	(no subject)
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused

Yeah, I guess I really have no fucking clue what's going on anymore.

Date:	2005-05-07 22:30
Subject:	Friday Five... a day late.
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful

1.) Do you believe in love at first sight? Why or why not?
No. I believe in CRUSH in first sight, but how can you know if you love a person if you've only just seen them.
2.) What physical feature attracts you the most (romantically) to another person?
Well the guy I like - or am currently unliking, I really like his eyes. They're really white. I think he's the only guy I've been able to actually look in the eye. Usually I just don't look straight at guys... haha.
3.) What do you think is the biggest benefit of being in a romantic relationship?
Comfort? I dunno, never been in one.
4.) Biggest downside?
If they're clingy.
5.) Has your idea of love and romance changed? If so, how?
I no longer like guys just by looks. It takes a couple (at least) of like, interactions for me to like them. And surprisingly, I have only really liked two guys this entire year.

Date:	2005-05-06 23:52
Subject:	(no subject)
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah

Hmm... so the un-liking is not going very well. I still *like* him. Blah. And the only person who knows I like him who knows him also was like, he has a girlfriend, when I told him. Double blah.

Why do all the good guys have to be taken or like, I dunno. Why do all the guys I like never like me back? I'm not as weird as I was in high school, really. And why do the guys who I don't like like me? Its so twisted. Goddammit. :*(

Sniff. Oh well. I'm just going to tell myself that it doesn't matter since I'll never see him again anyways. And I'll work more on un-liking him. I think this is going to take longer than I had earlier thought. Great, why just in time for finals?

I have to bitch here because my Xanga has become too public. There's people who read it who I don't know their thought process, so yeah. Gotta not reveal too much there.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

life sucks.

that's it.

While I try to figure out why my program's being bitchy... I shall take a minute out to bitch and complain.

Why did I have to start really liking someone today? Like, I haven't liked anyone this much since last semester.
Its the end of the freaking semester and I doubt I'll ever have any more classes with this guy. He's not even in my major.

Boooooooooo. Life's so unfair.

On another note, the one thing that sucks the most about college is never really getting to know people. You know them on the surface, but that's about it. You don't know how they think, how they feel, etc. That's kind of depressing.

Date:	2005-04-27 19:16
Subject:	(no subject)
Security:	Public
Mood:	disappointed

Fickle.

Make up your mind!

Fuck this.

I gotta get out of here.

Date:	2005-04-23 20:17
Subject:	(no subject)
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained

I want to go home. I think its time. I need to get away from here and CHILL OUT. Oh my god. I think I need to be separated from people from a really long time where I can just be by myself. Otherwise, I might just have an emotional breakdown. My list just keeps getting longer and longer and longer. I don't know how much more I can take.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Life sucks and then you die. And while you're dying, that moment just before your mind shuts down and waits for your body to follow, you realize that it really wasn't worth it. You spent so many fucking years on this earth doing nothing. Just wasting time and space.

A month ago, I was happy.
A month ago, life was good.
I couldn't ask for more,
Nor oould I foresee what was to happen.

What happened?
I wish I could say.
I wish I knew more.
But the only thing that I know is that everything fell apart.

Like a sculpture cracking.
A windowpane falling.
You held it once,
Until it shattered into pieces too quickly for you to know it.

Now you're breaking down.
The stress weighs on your body.
And you can't control it.
Because you don't even know why we're like this now.

I wish I knew.
I wish there was some reason
That we're all separate.
And then there might be something I could do.

But I can't do anything.
Because I don't know why.
I don't know anything,
Except that we lost what we had and we may never get it back.

Date:	2005-04-15 23:34
Subject:	(no subject)
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained

I used to look forward to Fridays.

Now they're boring and suck just as they did last semester.